It's not you, it's me. Why I spend most of my time alone.



I was lucky enough to go home to South Carolina for 3 weeks for the holidays. I live in California, and only get to go home twice a year. I was so excited to go home for that long of a visit. I missed my parents, my sisters and my friends so much. I knew with all that time at home I'd be able to see everyone I wanted to see, at least once. I arrived in Columbia with the biggest smile on my face. I was home. The first four days were so great. I had so much energy. I was getting to see people I hadn't seen in a long time. The trip was going as well as, maybe even better than, expected.

Then my body intervened. I guess I was doing too much. My energy was depleted, I was having pain in my uterus, lower back and right leg. My body was telling me to take it easy. I really wasn't doing very much compared to a healthy person's typical day, but it was a lot compared to my typical day. I was so disheartened. I had plans to do creative projects with my dad, clean out my old stuff from my parents' house, go to dinner with friends, go out for New Year's Eve, and enjoy time with my family and friends. I spent the majority of my time laying in a recliner at my parents' house. Trust me, I would rather be with my mom and dad laying around than home alone in my apartment in California laying around. I was just disappointed that I would be breaking plans and not getting to see everyone I wanted to see. I hated to spend my vacation doing exactly what I do every day in California, but it made me realize that my personality and physical limitations don't allow for a very social life right now.



I am an introvert, so I require time alone to recharge my battery. Having Endometriosis factors into my anti-social behavior. I hesitate to make plans because I never know how I'm going to feel when the time comes to do something. I hate to cancel plans, so I rarely make any. I live in a third floor apartment with no elevator. The stairs drain me, so I only leave to take my dog, Jobin out, or run errands, or go to class in San Francisco. Other than that, I am home alone. Well, I have Jobin, so I'm not really alone. My daily routine gets old and sometimes it can make me feel really down.

I don't intend for those reading this to feel sorry for me. I wrote this as an acceptance of the life I live. For now, not forever, I am required to rest and reserve my energy for the times that I need it. As I get healthier and learn to make the most of my life, the more social I will get. To those who I love and call family and friends, know that I want to see you. I want to spend time with you having fun, dancing, laughing, playing. One day I will feel better than ever and I intend to make up for lost time. Until then, just know, it's not you, it's me.